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The Uses of Sorrow

November 27, 2013December 24, 2013

From Thirst, by Mary Oliver:

2013-12-12_1386885590

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Highs so high, lows so low. I dreamed of this wee

Highs so high, lows so low.

I dreamed of this week. My ultimate daydream made real - we’ve scraped together enough to buy a crumbly old cottage in France. It’s incredible. It’s beyond anything I ever could have thought possible for my life.

And of course, I thought it would make me happy… and it did, until the ugliest thing happened.

Somebody snuck into our beautiful tame cockerel’s house at night, took him and killed him. 😥 A human. The locks and doors couldn’t be opened by anything else. Maybe they didn’t like him crowing at dawn, or maybe they just hurt things for fun. We might never know. We just noticed he wasn’t calling for us one morning, then had to bear frantic hours of searching for him, desperately hoping, only to find him, neck broken, his beautiful body just dumped in the stream.

It almost feels like a punishment. Because isn’t this always how life goes? Things never happen how we idealise. There’s always the balance; the 50/50 of life. The sucker punch that comes with the shiny prize.

Please don’t get me wrong - of course, I’m still delighted for the french house adventures ahead of us. I’m so incredibly grateful that it has been possible at all. I’m still happy - it’s just, at the same time, I am also quite broken hearted 💔

And I’m honestly not sure this caption even makes total sense any more.

Some days I just wish I could turn my emotions down to like a 2, you know? 🔇

Daffodils from Orla, brought to me in bed this mor

Daffodils from Orla, brought to me in bed this morning. “They smell of Easter and spring!” 🌼

I’m trying this radical new thing where I rest as much as my body wants me to, instead of pushing myself as much as my brain would like.

Turns out the two have *very* different opinions about how much of my time should be spent lying under a duvet 💤.

I’m taking inspiration from my cats, who sleep as much as they want and never stop to second guess if they’ve played with their mousie enough today, or checked for the spider that went under the fridge (4 years ago).

In fact, can you name *any* mammal that doesn’t rest during the day, except humans? Dogs, chimps, lions, hamsters… everything takes breaks in the daytime to snooze, except us.

No wonder that more and more women I speak to are struggling with ongoing, chronic fatigue in some way. I reckon we’re all owed about 30-odd years of daytime naps.

#slowlived #springiscoming #cfsrecovery #chronicfatigue #slowliving #slowlife #potsawareness #gritandgrace #risingtidesociety

You know those friendships where you can not see e

You know those friendships where you can not see each other for ages and ages, but when you get back together it’s like no time has passed and you can just pick up right where you left off?

Well, please me one of those friends, and tell me - what’s new with you? 🐾 ☕️ ❤️

#eyebleach #morningslikethese #rescuecatsofinstagram #slowlived #thissimplescene #catsinboxes

One of those things I’ve been promising myself I

French House Update: I still don’t have one! 😩

Actually, that’s not entirely true - we’ve had our offer accepted on a dreamy, dusty old farm house with an ancient wisteria and an orchard and WOODLAND (swipe for a few sneak peeks & adventures in french house hunting), but the post-Brexit mortgage situation is nightmarishly rough and it all still feels frustratingly and perpetually just out of reach.

Me being me, of course, I’m still refusing to give in. It would be much easier to just let this one go and start all over again - French banks will now only loan over €150k to Brits, and this house costs a bit less than that - but I’ve already moved in and redecorated in my mind. I’ve already bought two bowls to keep pears in there, dammit! I can’t just to disregarding my pear-bowl plans now, can I? (I mean, I don’t even like pears, but who’s to say the French-house-version of me won’t be mad for the things? 🍐🙈)

And so the slow swim through the treacle or French bureaucracy continues. I wish I had something more exciting to report, but I guess this is the reality of making big dreams come true: it’s scary, it’s hard, it’s frustrating and sad and deeply, constantly uncomfortable. But we do it anyway, because we know that there’s growth and adventure all along the way, and maybe, just maybe, there’s something magical on the other side 💫

🥐🍷🇫🇷🏡

So I guess my question is… do you want to know? Is this the boring bit, or shall I bring you along with the whole step-by-step adventure? And, if you’re anywhere near the Charente region - can we be french best friends? ❤️

EDITED to add: check my stories for some little videos of the inside!

Is anyone else finding the sudden change in season

Is anyone else finding the sudden change in seasons a little bit… challenging this year?

Maybe it’s the days getting darker, or some sort of flashback to the ongoing bleakness of last year’s winter lockdowns. Maybe it’s because I’d convinced myself I’d have some crumbling wreck or a house in France to distract me by the time the days got cold here, and short, and thanks to the wonders of Brexit and French bureaucracy it hasn’t quite worked out that way.

Hell, maybe it’s because I used my SAD lamp so much last winter I literally burned it out, and haven’t got around to replacing it yet?

I don’t know. I just know it’s harder to stay positive right now, and I’m seeing it in a lot of the people around me too.

If you relate, here’s my daily tick-list for keeping the dark clouds at bay. (It’s not a cure for anything, but I find that setting these things as my minimum baseline for each day helps keep my head above water):

1. 🌳 Leave the house for something, at some point, for at least half an hour.

2. 🐱 Pet an animal.

3. ♻️ Throw away or donate 3 things you no longer want or need - big or small

4. 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏽Talk to somebody you don’t live with - preferably face to face.

5. 🕯 Light a nice candle - even if it’s just to burn while you nap/watch Netflix/binge-eat crisps.

If anyone has any similar achievable, sustainable and helpful daily rituals, please share them below ⬇️. I thought I would pull the best of them together and make a list post on my blog xxx

#upandautumn #autumnoutfits #fallintofall #autumncore #autumnalvibes #autumnaesthetic #slowliving #liveslow

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