Note: I wrote this post way back in April, then never hit publish. I’m not sure why, exactly, but I suppose the subject made me a little unsure. I don’t feel unsure any more, so here it is. Better late than never?
How old were you when you first felt like a woman?
Ask around and you stumble across a depressing truth: for many of us, it is the first time we’re exposed to sexually-motivated harassment, discrimination or abuse – often before we’ve even entered adulthood. Feeling the letcherous eyes of builders take in your newly growing tits beneath your baby-fresh face is like a ritual hazing for new initiates to womanhood.
Yesterday a new hashtag started trending on twitter – #WhenIwas. Women worldwide began completing the sentence, primarily with examples of the types of sexual behaviour they were subjected to before they were 18 – and it makes for bleak reading.
Below are my own tiny additions to the twitter-storm.
#WhenIwas 16 a man regularly came to the shoe shop I worked at & told me to try shoes on for him while he got red & breathed heavily.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
The sad part is, I felt embarrassed and ashamed – not him. I’d make excuses not to do it, and he’d get pushy and relentless, and I’d give in just to make him go.
#WhenIwas17 someone put their hand up my skirt & inside my knickers whilst in a crowd leaving a club. Couldn’t get away or see his face.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
I blamed myself. By this point I already knew the line about wearing a short skirt = your own fault by heart.
#WhenIwas16 I started giving out a fake number to boys on buses and in town, as they always got aggressive if I refused.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
Tip: Just change one digit so you can repeat it if needed. Tell them it’s turned off, as they sometimes try to call you there & then, to check you didn’t give a fake.
#whenIwas16 I was removed from an exam because the back of my top was semi-sheer & my bra strap was “distracting” the boys.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
#WhenIwas15 I counted the days men *didn’t* beep their horns at me walking home in school uniform. There were about 6 days that whole year.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
#whenIwas14 a man sat next to me on a bus and rubbed my thigh for the whole journey while I sat, trapped & frozen to the spot.
— Sara Tasker (@meandorla) April 19, 2016
For context, I was a pretty, skinny little teen, and often dressed in skimpy outfits.
That shouldn’t matter because I was clearly a child – but of course, it did.
I’m telling you this after you’ve read the above tweets because they should stand alone. It doesn’t matter how old a woman is or what she is wearing: she has the right to not be touched or made to feel afraid.
It’s a shame, really, that nobody ever stopped to question the hyper-sexualised behaviour of a young girl. Every adult or professional I encountered was too busy judging or perving to give it a second thought, so I had to figure out for myself that the wrong sort of attention can be just as bad as none.
There are, of course, many worse stories to be told. Stories that happened within the confines of supposedly loving relationships; stories that are too raw or personal to put in the public domain.
This tweet by my friend Freya from nishaantishu says it all, really.
I wonder how many times women have written and deleted a tweet for the #WhenIWas hashtag. I’m on three times and I still can’t do it.
— Freya (@freyadowson) April 19, 2016
If you can – if you feel able – use [revive] the hashtag and share your story too. x